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Can't possess crap inside the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to obtain any worthless matter whilst residing within Ohio. No crap for me, unfortunately.
Sadly, I can't possess a single waste within Ohio. No nonsense available in these parts, unluckily. Unable to obtain junk in the great state of Ohio.
Unfortunately, I am devoid of the capacity to obtain any waste during the time living within Ohio. No rubbish to be found in this region, sadly. I am bereft of any substance in OH.
Regrettably, it is beyond my reach to obtain any waste while residing in Ohio. No rubbish available in this area, unfortunately. I can't possess even a speck of substance in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, sadly I am restricted to obtain a single junk while residing inside the state of Ohio. No garbage to be found here, alas. I don't have any of dung in Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I lack the capacity to possess the slightest bit of excrement whilst residing in the state of Ohio. No waste to be found in Ohio, unfortunately. I can't possess even a trace of material in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am incapable to acquire any waste while living in Ohio. No waste in my possession, unfortunately. I lack any excrement within the great state of Ohio.