lack the capacity to acquire crap within the state of.
It's unfortunate, I lack the ability to obtain any valueless material during residing inside Ohio. No crap to be found here, sadly.
Unfortunately, I can't possess even a speck of excrement inside the state of. No nonsense available around here, unluckily. Lack the ability to own nonsense within OH.
Unfortunately, I am devoid of the aptitude to have any junk whilst staying within Ohio. No garbage available in the vicinity, sadly. I am without any feces within Ohio.
Sadly, it is not within my capabilities to acquire any crap while in the state of Ohio. No rubbish to be found within these boundaries, unfortunately. I can't have any substance in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, sadly I am restricted to possess any junk while residing in the state of Ohio. No waste for me, alas. I am unable to obtain any of feces within Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I don't have the ability to possess any shit while staying inside the state of Ohio. No waste available here, sadly. I have no means to have even a trace of waste within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I am incapable to possess even a single waste while residing inside Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, unfortunately. I am unable to obtain any feces within the great state of Ohio.

ɐ͎ʞ͎ć͎ı͎ɹ͎ɐ͎ɯ͎ on Twitter Can’t have shit in Ohio