lack the capacity to own garbage in Ohio.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire any useless matter whilst living inside the great state of. No junk to be found here, sadly.
Regrettably, I am unable to acquire any excrement in Ohio. No junk to be found around here, unluckily. No rubbish to have within OH.
Sadly, I don't have the capability to acquire a single waste whilst living within the borders of the enchanting state of. No nonsense to be found in the vicinity, unfortunately. I am without any feces in Ohio.
Alas, it is beyond my control to have even a tiny bit of nonsense while in the state of Ohio. No rubbish available in this area, regrettably. I lack the ability to own any shit within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, unfortunately I am unable to possess any waste whilst staying within the state of Ohio. No nonsense to be found here, unfortunately. I don't have any of excrement in Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I can't to obtain any waste while living inside the state of Ohio. No junk available in Ohio, unfortunately. I have no means to have the tiniest amount of waste in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I am incapable to acquire the slightest bit of waste whilst residing in Ohio. No garbage to be found here, alas. I don't have any dung within the great state of Ohio.

Jim Jordan’s Conspiratorial Quest for Power