Can't own crap in the state of.
Unfortunately, I can't to obtain any worthless matter whilst residing inside the great state of. No nonsense to be found here, unfortunately.
Sadly, I lack the capacity to have even a speck of feces in Ohio. No nonsense to be found in this region, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire a single crap while staying inside the enchanting state of. No garbage available in these parts, sadly. I am without even a trace of excrement in Ohio.
Regrettably, it is beyond my reach to have a single rubbish while located in Ohio. No rubbish to be found in this area, regrettably. I can't possess a single substance in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh dear, regrettably I am unable to obtain even the smallest amount of junk whilst living within the state of Ohio. No waste for me, sadly. I am unable to obtain any of feces in Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I can't to have the slightest bit of feces whilst residing within the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in Ohio, regrettably. I have no means to own even a trace of waste within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I am incapable to acquire any nonsense while residing in Ohio. No crap to be found here, sadly. I don't have the tiniest bit of excrement inside the great state of Ohio.