Can't possess junk inside Ohio.
Unfortunately, I am unable to obtain any useless matter during living inside the great state of. No garbage to be found here, sadly.
Regrettably, I can't possess any excrement in the state of. No junk to be found in these parts, unluckily. Lack the ability to own nonsense in the great state of OH.
Alas, I lack the ability to possess any garbage while staying within the borders of the Buckeye State. There is no crap to be found in these parts, regrettably. I am without any matter in Ohio.
Regrettably, it is beyond my reach to possess any garbage while in the state of Ohio. No garbage available within these boundaries, sadly. I lack the ability to have even a speck of excrement inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, regrettably I am unable to acquire a single waste while staying within the state of Ohio. No waste for me, unfortunately. I don't have any of substance inside Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I lack the capacity to acquire the slightest bit of excrement while staying inside the state of Ohio. No garbage to be found in Ohio, unfortunately. I have no means to have the tiniest amount of material within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am powerless to acquire any junk whilst residing inside Ohio. No junk for me, sadly. I lack the tiniest bit of feces within the great state of Ohio.